The Accidental Nutritionist

3 Eaters, 1 Mission

The History of “why” continued…

… “I don’t want to add any more medications. Is there any other way? Can I try just the dietary changes first?”

The doctor looked skeptical because she knew as well as Charlie the hours she kept, the lack of time she’d have to research and meal-prep, and the daily stress she was already under from her work.

“It’s a drastic change.”

“Four months. Just give me four months to see how far I can get, to see if I can do it without the added drugs.”

A showdown of two stubborn wills, a patient with four different health-related issues, with complications possibly leading to everything from diabetes to a heart attack or stroke.

“Four months,” the doctor finally declared. “But then, the medication with no fight, back if I think it is still needed.”

“Okay. Yes.”

…And Charlie left the doctor’s office on a new mission, with extremely high stakes, as she drove to yet another meeting.


“…I mean the restrictions are ridiculous. I’ve done the no wheat thing before, but no rice? Only a palm-size of chicken twice a week? Dairy is out, but so is soy…I can do salmon with nothing on it, but most other fishes are too fatty. No pastas of any kind, no corn, no starches, no peas…I mean peas, I can’t even have peas?!”

“How the h– are you gonna swing all that? Most days you don’t even have your first meal until seven or eight pm?”

“Yeah, well, those days are done.”

“Uh huh…”

“She said it’s ‘non-negotiable.’ With a lot of really not-good repercussions if I fail.”

“Well, you’re gonna need help, obviously. This list is insane.”

“Yeah.”

“I think I know a guy–“

…Except it wasn’t a guy it was Jamie, my roommate.

…Jamie is a nonprofit contractor who likes to read cookbooks like novels, watch food shows like porn, and use them to inspire annihilating every pot and pan in the place to invent new wonders just for the heck of it, on the side.

She couldn’t follow a recipe if her life depended on it because other ideas always overcome her sometime along the process. All of a sudden, this French thing has turned Moroccan by way of Greece, and it all tastes delicious, but she has no idea why. She’s an accidental food genius who has never taken a cooking class…or replicated a single meal since I have known her.

…Which is super frustrating when you were bowled over by that chicken thing last week, and she can never seem to remember what she did to it due to the fact that she never writes anything down. That would be too restricting to the process.

“Hey, Jamie, I have a project for you. It’s basically impossible, will take a massive amount of prep and research, and so far as I can see, there is no place you can go to to find out how to do it, or what the rules are.”

“Um…that sounds like a lot of work.”

“It’s about food.”

“–I’m in.”

…And that is how Jamie became the Accidental Nutritionist and chef-for-hire for one highly restricted consumer (and two less-so, being her and me.)

We are three eaters split between two households on one mission.

…And this is our story.

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